Darth Maul's Vacation

"They sent Jedi, my master." Darth Maul said through the hologram.
Sidious, looking a bit mad, yelled, "That is why I sent YOU!"
Sidious cut the communication, leaving Maul sitting there in his Hawaiian clothes.
"I knew there was a catch."
Darth Maul stood up and walked over to a cabinet. He was wondering what to do next, so he picked up a copy of The Phantom Menace. He put it in the holovid player and pushed fast forward. When he pushed play, all he saw was an idiotic looking person dressed in dorky Hawaiian clothes. Maul reached down to get a handful of popcorn, and saw the figure in the movie reaching down. Then Maul looked all around himself, seeing the figure moving with him. Then he decided to have a staring game with the figure. The rules were, the first to look away lost.
"Darth Maul, what are you doing?" Asked an exasperated voice.
Maul, not having known Sidious had contacted him via hologram, jumped and looked around.
"You made me lose!"
Sidious only shook his head.
"I want to see now." Maul complained.
"You can't."
"Why?"
"Because we just past it."
"When?"
"Then."
"Well I want to see then."
"You can't."
"Why?"
"We passed it."
"When?"
"Just now."
"When will now be then?"
"Soon." Then with an evil laugh, Sidious cut the message, leaving a very confused Maul scratching his head. With resulted in a cut hand.




Later, after bandaging his hand, Maul was looking through his electrobinoculars.
"Ahhh... So that's what the Jedi Temple looks like. Never knew it was here on Tatooine."
Maul lowered the 'electrobinoculars' to find a viewfinder in his hands. Maul accidently dropped them and bent to pick them up, but unknowingly grabbed his real electrobinoculars. Maul grinned and looked up at the suns through them.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Maul dropped the electrobinoculars. Which broke. He then ran onboard the ship to get eyedrops. But right before he got them, Sidious appeared in a hologram.
"I thought I heard a scream. Sounded like you."
Maul looked a bit sheepish, which was hard to do considering he was suppose to look evil. "I dropped your electrobinoculars."
"My 5,000,000 credit electrobinoculars?"
"Yes." Maul looked down at his black boots. Although he couldn't tell if it was his boots since he couldn't tell the black of his clothes from the black of his boots.
"That's it. You're grounded. You can't kill any Jedi for a week."
"Awwww.... But Master!"
"No buts." Sidious started to cut the transmission.
Maul sat back and sulkily crossed his arms. "You always take all the fun out of things."
Sidious only smiled, "By the way, I think you should have a look at your eyes."
Maul stood up and walked over to a mirror.
"Aaahhhhhhh!!! My eyes are red!"
Guess that answers a big question. Eyes don't turn black when they get burned, they turn red.
Darth Maul decided the only thing that would cheer him up was to go into Mos Espa and scare citizens by glaring at them. Maul grinned and rode his speeder into town. He walked up and down the streets, glaring at random people.
Oh, boy! This is fun!, he thought.
Then he came to a little boy with blonde hair. Of all creatures, kids were easiest to scare. But this boy didn't get scared. He only held out his right hand in self defense. All of a sudden, Maul couldn't breath. He was choking. The kid grinned and stuck his hand out farther.
"Ani! Ani, where are?" Called a voice.
Ani looked scared all of a sudden. "Uh, oh! Coming, Mom! Hope she doesn't kill me."
Maul shook his head, then grabbed for his lightsaber, it wasn't there. He must have left it on the ship. He ran back to look for the saber.




Maul was under a table searching and wondering why in the galaxy had he had a table installed in the 'fresher.
BEEP!!!
BEEP!!!
It was the beeping indicating an incoming hologram. Surprised by the sound, Maul jumped up, cutting the table in half with his horns. The table legs got wrapped around his legs and Maul tripped, his head falling into the toilet. His hand accidently hit the flush. Maul's cloak got caught and he had to take it off and let it go. He stood up and ran for the door, jumping over the broken table. Looking back, he saw that the toilet was overfull and spilling unto the floor. Shaking his head, Maul ran for the lounge. It was a mess. There was wrappers everywhere, nintendo cords stringing from one end of the room to the other, dirty dishes strewn all around and clothes everywhere. Quickly, Maul made an even bigger mess of things by knocking it all around. Then, after five minutes of trying to untangle himself from all the cords, he remembered that the hologram machine was in the cockpit, not the lounge. Maul ran for the cockpit, jumping over miscellaneous things and dragging cords. Finally, he hit the receive button.
A little man wearing a red suit and holding money suddenly appeared.
"Hi! I'm Lucky Sam, here at the gambling hall in Cloud City on Bespin! Got a ship that you really love? Why not bet it to your best friend in a game of Sabaac?" Then the man's holo disappeared.
Maul stood there, with nintendo cords wrapped around him, his cloak gone, water overflowing from the toilet, the ship a total wreck, staring at the holomachine. Maul then reached for his lightsaber, which he'd had all along. It was just hanging on the wrong side of his belt. He then proceeded to make holomachine shichkabob. He promised himself that after he'd dealt with Jedi, he'd kill Lucky Sam.
Then as he wandered back to the bedroom he cut the cords off him, singing himself plenty of times. In fact, there was one nice long singe mark running across his stomach as if he had been cut in half. It gave him an eerie feeling.
Maul came out wearing his Hawaii clothes again, carrying a lounge chair and wearing sunglasses. He stopped by the kitchen and got a cup of lemonade with a little umbrella sticking out of the top.
Maul stepped outside, found a good spot and sat down to enjoy the sunset. He was just dozing off when he heard a beeping sound coming from his wrist and almost chopped it off trying to figure out what was going on.
"Your droid is returning." A monotonous voice said.
Maul grinned, ran back inside, but first he got his leg stuck in the chair. Jumping around on one foot, Maul kicked the chair and sent it flying off the cliff. He ran to the edge of the cliff and yelled "Nooooo!!! That was my favorite chair!!!"
The beeping came again, making Maul forget his chair and run inside. He grabbed an extra cloak from the back of a chair as he ran back outside. Shaking his head Maul picked up his Master's broken electrobinoculars and looked toward the horizon. It was a beautiful site. All the colors twirled as if he were looking through a kelidoscope.
Suddenly he heard a sound and looked over, surprised to see one of his probe droids. How in the galaxy had it snuck up on him like that? It didn't matter. The droid said something in droidese and flew off, leaving Maul confused for a moment before he remembered his wrist computer knew droidese. The computer knew where to find the Jedi. He jumped onto his speeder, not having any idea how it'd gotten outside.
He flew off... Uh, oh, he thought. There's a cliff! Maul just sat there, terrified. Then the speeder flew off the cliff and landed safely on the bottom. Maul would've had a few grey hairs, but he didn't have hair. Then Maul got to thinking, then he grinned. "THAT WAS COOL!!!!" He circled back to do it again. Then set out after the Jedi.

To be continued....